


Promises, Promises

by BlueMotherLion3124



Series: Merthur Week 2021 [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Pendragon Needs a Hug (Merlin), Episode: s04e06 A Servant of Two Masters, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin is Not Having a Good Time, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Season 4 theory, no beta we die like lancelot throwing himself into the veil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 05:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30134826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMotherLion3124/pseuds/BlueMotherLion3124
Summary: Merlin considers it. Lying to Arthur’s face about the secret he had with Lancelot. He considers changing the topic to save them from all of this, but he knows that will only solve the problem temporarily so would lying to Arthur face.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2212737
Comments: 16
Kudos: 74
Collections: Merthur Week 2021





	Promises, Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4!!!! ~~ignore that i'm posting this a day late~~
> 
> Prompt: “You promised!” “I guess we both broke our promises”
> 
> Btw this is a little continuation of day 3's fic! Because it has just has a lot of angst material, ya know?

“Promise you’ll never leave me.”

It’s just the two of them sitting at the campfire. Leon and Percival were tending the horses while Elyan and Gwaine went off to hunt some game for dinner. The woods were quiet which fit the somber mood between them.

“Merlin.” Arthur looks at him in surprise. 

Merlin put his hands under his thighs to quell their shaking and calm him down from his outburst. He had said that all in a rush that it wasn’t until Arthur snapped his attention to him that Merlin realized what he said. As embarrassed as he is to say that out loud, he can’t help but want an answer.

“Promise me,” he says again, looking straight at Arthur. He has a feeling he looks desperate, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to know. He has to after what just happened. After Lancelot just left _him._

“Please,” he tries again, and Arthur looks pained.

“I promise.” Merlin can’t help but sigh. “However”-- Merlin sits up straighter.-- “only if you promise me the same.”

“I do.”

* * *

Arthur was staring at him, his eyes pleading at him to not say what they both now knew. Merlin considers it. Lying to Arthur’s face about the secret he had with Lancelot. He considers changing the topic to save them from all of this, but he knows that will only solve the problem temporarily so would lying to Arthur face. 

“Merlin,” his king says, “what are you hiding?”

Merlin takes a deep breath and tells him the truth and watches as Arthur’s face falls once more, and the light fade from his eyes.

“Get out.”

It’s only two words, yet Merlin feels like he’s underwater because of them.

“Arthur--”

“Just...leave me.”

As Merlin leaves, he can’t help but let his mind race. Arthur knows now. He knows, and he asked him to leave. He wants Merlin gone. 

The infirmary was empty. Good. Merlin wasn’t in the mood or right mind to talk to Gaius. He hurried to his chambers and just stood there for some time. 

_He wants me gone._

Merlin paces the room. It was a mess but Merlin knew what places to avoid while he paced so he wouldn’t trip over. 

Arthur knows. Arthur’s upset. Arthur wanted him to leave. But, that can’t mean he would try to execute him, right?

Merlin remembers when the shade, playing as Lancelot, convinced Arthur of Gaius being a traitor for his assumed views on magic. While Gaius isn’t against magic, the fact that him being sympathetic to magic users caused Arthur to suspect him only causes Merlin’s anxiety to grow.

Who’s to say that Arthur won’t do the same to him? Maybe worse since he actually possesses magic? Arthur has always believed magic to be evil. 

_And who helped encourage that belief?_

Merlin shakes his head. Now’s not the time to jump to conclusions. If anything, Arthur would probably banish him for his own safety. No matter how much that thought hurt.

_Promise you’ll never leave me._

_Unless,_ he thinks, looking at his bag. Maybe he won’t need to force Arthur’s hand in anything. Save him the trouble. Keep him safe from afar.

_Only if you promise to do the same._

“I’m sorry.”

* * *

  
  


Not having control of his legs is something Merlin never thought he would have to fear for, but now, under the Fomorroh's control, it’s something he despises. His body moves aimlessly around the forest toward Camelot, and Merlin screams at it to stop. To turn around. To collapse. 

His body forges on.

It’s probably some hours later when Merlin hears the sound of horses and chainmail, and then he sees red capes. He wants to scream. Some small part of him feels touched that Arthur was searching for him, but another part dreads what that could exactly mean.

His foot presses on a twig and the snap echoes. The forest is quiet until the sound of metal is heard and a voice calls out.

“Who’s there?”

_No._

His body stays still as Arthur (his Arthur, his king) calls out again.

“Reveal yourself!”

_Don’t reveal yourself!_ His body begins to move again. _Stop moving! Stop please! Arthur, please leave._

His body ignores him and makes its way to the clearing where both Arthur and Gwaine are. Merlin sees Arthur look taken aback at seeing Merlin here. They stay motionless as Arthur’s face flashes through disbelief, shock, and something else. Something soft, but it only makes Merlin want to vomit. 

“Merlin?” Arthur sounds like he’s on the edge of breaking, and Merlin’s heart shatters. 

“Hello Arthur,” his voice says, but that isn’t him. 

Merlin hates this. He can’t even grit his teeth or clench his hands or scream or cry or _warn_ him. 

_This isn’t me. It’s not me, Arthur. You’re not safe with me. Please leave!_

“Merlin.” Arthur is walking over to him, his sword forgotten, and pulls Merlin into a hug. 

“I thought I...I thought we’d lost you,” Arthur rushes out. “Merlin, you complete bu- _ffoon!_ You promised...you said you wouldn’t leave me. You promised!”

Merlin’s body smiles and reciprocates the hug, and Merlin wishes that he could cry. 

“I guess we both broke our promises,” his voice whispers back. 

Arthur pulls back, but his expression is grim. Merlin hopes with all his being that Arthur figured out that the man he’s holding isn’t the Merlin he knows, but he also knows that the Fomorroh is an excellent copier. 

“I know, and we can have a more in depth discussion later,” Arthur says, “but first, let’s take you home.”

Arthur smiles and leads him to the horses where Gwaine is waiting as patiently as he can. The knight pulls Merlin into a bone crushing hug and Merlin’s body giggles while Gwaine dramatizes his worry and grief. He feels sick and violated because he knows that Gwaine _was_ worried and upset and that Arthur felt heartbroken, but _he_ isn’t there to apologize, to comfort, to ask for forgiveness. It’s this husk of a person whose only purpose is to kill the man he loves beyond all faults.

_I’m so sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> Poor baby :(
> 
> Also, I know that in canon Merlin doesn't remember anything while under the enchantment, but I thought, you know, for angst's sake, I'll make him remember. Isn't that just torture? Watching your body move against your wishes and attempt to kill someone you care for? :)
> 
> Anyway, if you liked it, leave a kudos and/or a comment! <3


End file.
